


Hold Me Tight, Fight Off The Dark

by Guardian_Rose



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, There's none in here, and it's in a vague 'hell is shit' way, but tagging because y'all need to look after yourselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 21:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19777243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: On the night of the not-apocalypse Crowley made sure to be the first into his apartment. Cleaned up every secret he wished to hide. He could do little about the holy water puddle and the mess there within. Aziraphale, upon seeing it and easily putting two and two together, pushed Crowley far away from the doorway in question. They’d curled up under the covers together, legs entangled, holding each other tight. Tears were quietly shed. Confessions made. Crowley had not missed his secret that night as he had an angel in his arms and that was more than a satisfiable replacement.But they don’t spend every night together after it all happens.***From This Request: 'could you write a fic where Crowley doesn't like sex. But he does like physical contact, like hugs and cuddles. He doesn't have many people he's close enough to cuddle with, so he sleeps with a teddy bear. Of course he keeps it secret. Demons would torture him if they found out. And Aziraphale, well, he doesn't know what he'd do. Only Aziraphale finds out. And he doesn't laugh or think it's strange.'





	Hold Me Tight, Fight Off The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the anon who requested this: 'could you write a fic where Crowley doesn't like sex. His experiences in hell ruined any way it could be pleasurable for him. But he does like physical contact, like hugs and cuddles. He doesn't have many people he's close enough to cuddle with, so he sleeps with a teddy bear. Of course he keeps it secret. Demons would torture him if they found out. And Aziraphale, well, he doesn't know what he'd do. Only Aziraphale finds out. And he doesn't laugh or think it's strange.'
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

On the night of the not-apocalypse Crowley made sure to be the first into his apartment. Cleaned up every secret he wished to hide. He could do little about the holy water puddle and the mess there within. Aziraphale, upon seeing it and easily putting two and two together, pushed Crowley far away from the doorway in question. The angel cleaned it up with a miracle and then with mundane means to make sure, still wary about letting Crowley cross the threshold even after. In fact, Crowley distinctly remembers Aziraphale walking him to bed. They’d curled up under the covers together, legs entangled, holding each other tight. Tears were quietly shed. Confessions made. Crowley had not missed his secret that night as he had an angel in his arms and that was more than a satisfiable replacement. 

But they don’t spend every night together after it all happens. They spend nearly all day every day together but Crowley always makes an excuse when conversation trails into companionable silence to leave. To return home and curl up around the soft bear with it’s lavender-filled torso, perfect for easing him into sleep on the rougher nights. He has nightmares. Memories. A refreshed torture of his time in Hell mixed with the soul-tearing terror of the loss he went through in the burning bookshop. The agony of when Satan himself rose through the tarmac. More he doesn’t recall in the mornings.

The only time he sleeps well is when he naps for no longer than an hour on Aziraphale’s couch. The angel always wakes him when he starts to thrash or whimper in his sleep. But not all nightmares are restricted to the unconscious. To the realms of sleep.

They’re on Aziraphale’s couch. Shirts undone. Hair tousled. Aziraphale lying down, thumb stroking Crowley’s cheek as they kiss over and over and over. And over again. Crowley hovering above him, one hand in the angel’s hair, the other just...touching. Feeling. Soft music pours from the angel’s record somewhere nearby. Background noise. Aziraphale’s touch, his wandering fingers do so with more purpose than Crowley’s own. Teasing up and down Crowley’s spine under his shirt. Pulling Crowley in closer, deeper with fingers in the shorter hairs at the nape of his neck. Drifting much further south when Crowley diverts his affection to Aziraphale’s neck just to hear that pleased trill from deep in the angel’s soul. 

Then Aziraphale shifts and is biting a mark onto Crowley’s shoulder. And Crowley is pulling away, trying to scramble backwards. Aziraphale lets go like he’s been burned, sitting up and watching Crowley collect his limbs back in to perch nervously on the arm of the sofa. He wraps his arms around his pulled up legs, expression one of fearful misery. Aziraphale is panicking, unsure what he’s done wrong but knowing that one false step right now will break this irreparably. Too much pressure on one cracked vein and it all collapses. 

So neither speaks. 

When minutes have passed in tense stillness, the music discordant on their ears, Aziraphale miracles Crowley’s sunglasses into his hands. He crosses his legs and leans forward, sunglasses proffered up to the demon who will not make eye contact and so clearly needs to regain control over something. Crowley takes them. But he does not put them on. Aziraphale watches as the demon fiddles with them, running his fingers over the rims of the lenses, the arms being folded out and in again over and over. 

“I would give you…,” Crowley says at last, quiet but sure, “ _ anything _ , angel. Anything in my power. I would do what I could, everything I could, to give you what was not within my power too.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you, my dear.”

“But you  _ want  _ it.”

Aziraphale frowns. “Want what?”

Crowley’s snark is cruel to an outsider. Insecure to his closest friend. “You know blessed well what.”

“No, I’m afraid I don’t. But I’m sure, whatever it is, I can live without it,” Aziraphale regrets his own bit of snark as Crowley shakes his head.

“Sex. Aziraphale. Sex. I- You want that don’t you? Another earthly sensation to indulge in whenever you want.”

“That’s what this is about?” Aziraphale asks, his voice ticking up in pitch. “Crowley, my dear boy,  _ no _ . I’m not at all interested in making The Effort.”

Crowley’s scowl doesn’t alleviate, instead it grows deeper as he glares into Aziraphale’s eyes to determine the truth. “Your actions say differently, angel.”

“How do you mean?”

Crowley waves an arm around, gesturing at something or other. “You’re always touching! And- and- undressing me!”

Aziraphale feels like he’s been doused in ice water. He carefully leans back as far as he can whilst seeming casual against the arm rest. “I only touch because I- I like to. Not for anything more. And I thought, oh I’m so sorry, I thought you  _ liked _ being touched. I didn’t realise- Heaven’s above I’m glad you’ve told me though! To think you--”

“Stop it,” Crowley snaps, hissing a little at the start before regaining a bit more composure. “I like touching. And all that. Sleeping next to you. All that  _ sappy _ ,” this he spits out as if it’s done him harm to admit it, “stuff. I want that. I just don’t...I can’t go past that.”

He narrows his eyes at the demon, tilting his head to the side a little. “Don’t want to or can’t?”

“Both. Alright? Both. For fuck’s sake, what does it matter?”

“Can’t suggests you’ve been hurt. I know what Hell is like, Crowley, I went there. I saw what they do to each other and I know you had to have spent time there before Earth. Which means if--”

“I’m not going to talk to you about it. I’m not- no. It’s bad enough I have the- this in my head. You’re not having it.”

Aziraphale nods in agreement. “Okay. That’s fine. But we are going to talk about boundaries and draw some lines.”

Crowley deflates a little at this but stays on his perch. “But I’m not gonna make the Effort and if you aren’t either, why are we--”

Aziraphale sighs goodnaturedly, holding a hand out that Crowley inspects for a second before taking it. “No sex. I know. But boundaries aren’t limited to sex, my dear. So we’re going to have some. Okay? And we can edit them whenever.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

***

Naps on the sofa become Crowley’s favourite past time  _ very  _ quickly. Just, curling up with his head resting on Aziraphale’s lap whilst the angel reads. Both snuggled together because Aziraphale has started to concede that Crowley has been right all along and sleeping is rather nice. They’ve spent a few nights sleeping over. Well. Crowley has slept over at Aziraphale’s. Twice in the last week. It’s just so  _ nice _ . The nightmares aren’t as difficult to handle with him around. Likewise, the nights are warmer. 

But he’s asleep in his own bed, wrapped around the grey-furred bear he’s kept for just under a century. He’d gotten it not long after they’d been invented, in fact. Still. He’s out for the count when his bedroom door is thrown open, sharp light stinging his eyes and startling him even more than the sounds of someone breaking in. It’s only the fact that his body is very heavily piled under with sleep still that he doesn’t fling himself backwards off his bed to hide. As it is, he cracks open one bleary eye and tugs the duvet up a bit. 

“Crowley!”

“Angel?” His voice is raspy, harsh on his own ears. He scowls further, the brief flash of adrenaline that had started to make itself known fading away quickly. Just Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale climbs onto the bed, pretty elegantly for him, and sits on his knees looking down at Crowley. Crowley closes his eye again.

“You missed breakfast, dear.”

“I don’t eat breakfast.”

“No, but when one has plans it’s conventional to stick to them,” Aziraphale says, uppity but not scornful.

Crowley opens his eyes again. “Breakfast. Shit. Sorry. You’re here now though.”

Aziraphale rolls his eyes. Crowley can’t help but grin as Aziraphale miracles himself into some pyjamas. Despite the sunlight still streaming through the doorway. Despite their missed breakfast plans. Despite any other plans they have for the day. Aziraphale is still happy to just  _ be _ with Crowley. And that is more than enough for Crowley.

He lifts up the corner of the duvet without thinking, to let Aziraphale slide under. Except as he does so, the bear is on full display. Sitting there with its miraculously still soft and clean fur and its slightly fraying threads, its sewed back on ear. And he expects Aziraphale to laugh. To look at him like he’s a weirdo. To voice any number of the thoughts swirling round his head. 

Aziraphale does no such thing. 

He smiles at the bear, runs his fingers over the fur of its stomach as he settles under the covers and kisses Crowley on the nose. 

“Didn’t realise you’d kept him,” Aziraphale says softly, wrapping his arms around Crowley’s chest with the bear in between them. 

Crowley makes a vague noise that could really have meant anything. 

“You’ve kept him in remarkably good shape, my dear. Colour me impressed.”

“You’re not- huh?”

Aziraphale frowns a little, running his thumb over the bears arm. “Not what?”

“Angel. You just- I sleep with a child’s toy, how are you not laughing? If it were you I would be laughing!”

“Oh but you wouldn’t mean it in a horrible way, would you? And it just sort of makes sense. It’s hardly escaped my notice that you’re a tactile person, Crowley.”

Crowley processes this rather slowly, the sleepy mist rolling back in over the hills. He nods eventually. “I’d be a bloody laughing stock if anyone else found out.”

“Good job they won’t then.” 

He doesn’t need the bear like he does when Aziraphale isn’t in bed too. But sometimes it’s nice to have both.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! <3
> 
> No beta, all mistakes my own
> 
> Prompts welcome here and on my writing tumblr [WordToTheRose ](https://wordtotherose.tumblr.com/) or come say hi on my main [Guardian-Rose-Petal](https://guardian-rose-petal.tumblr.com/)


End file.
